The 6 types of people who attract narcissists ...
If you are always attracting narcissists, this means you have a pretty big heart and you are a heart-based person which is someone the narcissist is always looking for. Whether overt and grandiose or in the covert stage, a narcissist seeks attention, compliments and love over all else, and you may be the perfect person for them to unload their sob stories on. Even more, they will really hit the supply jackpot if you are caring enough to actually believe them.
Most often when a narc is hunting for new supply they are just coming off a bad breakup, at least according to them. They have so many tales of woe, which they will tell you so soulfully, so sorrowfully, like a sad little puppy who would never hurt anyone and who you easily feel sorry for. Because of this typical setup scenario, the following list of sensitive types are those who they attract and aggressively pursue. Please remember, the narc is not in love with you but they are in love with what you can give them. Their own heart never comes into it, their own heart is barren, and that is exactly why they need yours.
1. They Love An Empath
Sorry Empaths but you are the number one kind of person the narcissist looks for as you are so open to others, sometimes even if you know they are a narcissist. But you LOVE to support other people and have so much to give. You feel your best when you are giving support, giving encouragement and giving love. You may even give away money if the narcissist is down on their luck but it is almost like the narcissist is made for you (at first). You will feel happy about how much they accept your support, how they brighten up at your love and encouragement. This is how it begins. What you need to know is to run when they start to invalidate you or criticize you. Despite how much love and amazing comments they throw at you in the beginning, you need to be aware that when it stops and they start to invalidate you, it really has stopped for good.
You are no push over, Empath, and you normally wouldn't put up with the typical unfair behaviour of the narcissist, so don't go soft now on them. They are utterly toxic and are preparing you for a full frontal assault of lies, discarding and even a sneaky smear. Don't be fooled by their tactics. This sorry person is not harmless and you need to set the boundaries. Don't form a romance with them, stay friends if you must, and don't get sucked in. It is a shame that empaths often fail to see what is really going on, and they may let the narcissist manipulate them through the endless confusion that simply grows and grows. You need to let go of this person and find someone who actually does love you.
2. Givers, Rescuers & Fixers
We live in a world where people are so busy, they have their own problems to deal with and may not therefore have time for the narcissist. But every now and then we come across that kind of person who looks for those victimized souls and wants to rescue them. Oh boy! The narcissist loves these people because they are too open, unsuspecting and often innocent. They play their rescuing game with the narcissist whilst the narc finds their way into the life of the unsuspecting Rescuer. After all, the rescuer is looking for a new project or person in dire need of their care, maybe to make their ego feel good or to genuinely help. Then along comes the narc. The rescuer will spring into action, especially when they start to take in all the (fake) sad stories and reasons why the narcissist needs their help. They will think they are in heaven, dreaming of all the ways they can fix and rescue them. So much potential!
The problem with the giving rescuer is that they seem to assume that all people are good and so might not try to be careful around this highly deceptive and manipulative narcissist. After all, the narcissist seems so nice, so innocent! They won't even think twice about how such a lovely person could possibly have been victimized as they describe but don't take the sad stories on face value. Again, Rescuers will offer all kind of things to the narcissist like time, energy and/or money that they will never get back. Everything you give will go into a big black hole and all you will get back is insults, gaslighting or worse. Be careful rescuer, you have met your match. This narc does not want to be rescued; they want your resources and to keep playing their favourite game with you. Don't let yourself get all used up by this exhausting creature.
3. People Who Lack Self-Esteem
Narcissists love girls with low self-esteem; I see this a lot. And you better be aware that they know you don't think much of yourself and they are gifting you a lot, so you better be ready for the abuse when it starts.
Perhaps you were brought up with belief systems saying you're unequal or less worthy than other people, or you previously dated a cad (or narc) and your confidence has taken a fall. You may feel like worthless baggage, especially when it comes to romance. When the narcissist comes along, suddenly someone charming or great looking is giving you romantic interest and you can barely belief it! This new person thinks you're worth something. They listen to you so carefully and try to almost get inside you to understand what makes you tick. How do you feel? This is so later, they can manipulate you. Be careful!
I've seen this many times. The narcissist woes the person who thinks they are unworthy and who in response, are so grateful to have love or at least what they think is love. (It isn't.) This low-esteem personality will bend over backwards for the narc. Often they don't have a lot of romantic experience so they won't even know the difference when the narcissist starts to treat them badly. Instead they will accommodate all the narcissist asks for, meet all their demands, and turn themself into exactly what the narcissist wants like they were made for each other. Maybe they were but the narc will treat this person so badly, by increments, until they become trauma bonded to the narcissist. i.e. the narcissist hurts them but then gives them fake love then hurts them again in a never ending cycle. This trauma bonding is their trick to get low-esteem people to stay with them. Once bonded, they have a lot of trouble leaving, especially when the narcissist says things like, "Who else would love you?" And the victim believes no one else could because they never did before.
Sadly, this is the kind of person who will marry and stay with that narcissist for twenty years, and probably have a family with them. Perhaps the saddest of the bunch. But, I am glad to say, eventually, even after 20 or 30 years, they will get a spine and one day have the courage to leave. Not all narcs find this desperate a person who will appreciate them and, even when the bad behaviour starts, will still stay. Most people jump out of the pot of boiling water when it slowly begins to boil; they are long gone by then. But because their self esteem is so low, they stay. The rest of us don't understand this, considering how often they are attacked ruthlessly. But then again we don't see that do we? It all happens behind closed door whilst the narcissist is clever enough to make themself appear great.
On a recent dating show there was a "slow" kind of girl who lacked experience and confidence, who was introduced to a young, buff, sports player who was being paid to play sport. This was painful to watch. The girl was actually simpering and almost unable to speak to "him" because he was so fine. She was on the phone to her friend about what a catch he was. She'd made up her mind instantly and kept telling him, a stranger, how sincere and honest he was. I swear he even gaslighted her (as a joke) but remember, he is showing his true colours. By the end of this date where she constantly giggled and said how wonderful he was, and he talked about how much money he makes, they were interviewed on camera. Boldly he pointed to his cheek demanding she kiss him, a stranger. Of course he turned his face so it turned into a lip kiss and they started pashing/kissing just like that. She had no self esteem.
This is a prime example of how a bad relationship starts. What if he was a narcissist? This is exactly how a girl like this falls for any random, "buff" guy before she even knows him like he stepped right out of a fairytale. Please be careful.
4. Forgivers - People Who Routinely Forgive Others
There's a segment of society that's brought up with values espousing compassion and forgiveness to others, and often it is a religious segment. These people are loving types yet they may not suspect that narcissists are amongst God's creatures. It may be lesson time for them. What forgivers are famous for is offering forgiveness to others when a wrong is done, in other words to look the other way. It doesn't mean putting up with bad behaviour but simply looking to do a kind act with forgiveness. They know the world needs this. Often others are so grateful to be forgiven if they erred because it is such a healing act. However, when a forgiver comes across a narcissist for the first time, no amount of forgiving is ever going to make them right. Unfortunately, to forgive a narcissist is to let them off the hook so they can boldly go and repeat the crimes, which they promptly do even that same day. They like forgivers for this reason and always take advantage of any forgiveness that comes their way.
Let's describe what the narcissist does. They may be hoovering a Forgiver or apologising profusely after some terrible behaviour that no one deserves. And the forgiver, being compassionate as they are, forgives them before explaining to the narcissist exactly why it was wrong. They wish to impart a lesson and help the narcissist grow. (Right!) Yet a narcissist will never grow because they are unable to reflect upon their actions. They simply go through life never looking back, changing nor growing.
The narcissist outwardly agrees with the forgiver with all kinds of pretty lies, and leaves them thinking about how very sorry they were and that they, the narc, won't do it again. Wrong. Next day the same crime exactly is committed and it leaves the forgiver wondering, "What the heck?" The narcissist is acting to confuse the forgiver and tie them up in so many lies that they won't know who they are. Then, the forgiver typically thinks they need more kindness and forgiveness, and forgives again! They open their big, compassionate heart whilst patiently contemplating how messed up the poor narcissist is. But it means the narc is again absolved completely from all crimes and are forgiven. They can do no wrong, except for all the wrong they are doing.
The narcissist is so happy to have found the kind-hearted Forgiver because they are getting away with everything. A normal person would have left by now but the forgiver thinks they're saving them. To their mind, isn't the narcissist worthy of love? Actually, not like that. But this is the lesson for the forgiver to realise all this narcissist forgiveness is a waste of time. It would be better if to forgive secretly before going No Contact. Stop forgiving and go completely No Contact - which is the only way we can ever really deal with a narcissist.
5. Those Who Grew Up With Narcissistic Parents
Unfortunately, if you grew up with narcissistic parents, this makes you prone to finding this type of bad behaviour normal because you are almost habitualised to it. After all, how could you know otherwise when narcissists raised you? So you are now magnetic to narcissists hunting for new supply whilst also being more likely to think this is normal when you find it. You are set up to be put through the ringer unless you've developed some high standards and already become no contract with your narcissistic parents and/or siblings. Once you give up your parents for being narcissists you will never put up with it from anyone else, even the one you mistakenly fell in love with.
You may have grown up with the belief that what you want and need don't matter because none of it mattered to your parents. Only what they wanted mattered. And you may already be well used to sacrificing these things to make them happy, to keep away the arguments. You may well bend over backwards with your people-pleasing behaviour and may not even realise it. All you've known since you were a child is putting what others want first so you keep saying yes. You're a "Yes" person and basically don't really exist because you were raised to be invisible. Of course you can't actually please a narcissist, but you learn to keep your parents quiet and get them off your back. Basically you've been trained to keep trying to get someone else's approval, though when it's a narcissist you can never get approval. They just make you try harder and harder, and enough is never enough.
You may be a little or a lot behind the ball, but you can wake up to what they're doing and turn your back. Maybe you tried everything to keep your "perfect" family together, but in the end you finally realise they just didn't love you. So why would you reverse all that good and start dating a narcissist. You won't stand for it hopefully, and you will get off that ride.
6. Positive People With So Much Dang Positivity
Positive people are wonderful and we need them; they help so many by uplifting us with their positivity. Most of us do well to have such a positive friend. However, the one person the positive types should avoid at all cost is, yes, the narcissist.
Remember we talked about all their sad sob stories that are used to convince you to shower them with positivity, and how sorry we feel for them. Also remember how fake those stories are. If you, the positive one, get sucked into their crap they WILL end up exhausting you. They will keep coming to you again and again with their "oh poor me" lines. Don't do them any favours. Don't make early promises of friendship or get involved in romance with the narcissist, as you know better. Be Careful here. The narcissist is never positive, and is always taking and is always negative. It will drive you crazy and you cannot change them.
Some people in this world can certainly be completely changed and uplifted by your wonderful, positive attitude, thereby receiving a new lease on life. But the narcissist will drain you, exhaust you, and their constant negativity will drive you nuts. You two just don't mix. Soon, every time they say something negative you will feel personally insulted, since you've been so busy buzzing them with positivity. It goes in one ear and straight out the other. And you will not understand the casual gaslighting or invalidation. You will look at them like they are crazy (because they are) and finally realise they won't change. This is who they are, and it ain't pretty.
The only thing they can do to really hurt you, positive one, is to smear you, and if you are there long enough you WILL get smeared, usually behind your back and for a while before you realise. They will get to your friends and family. People, even those you don't know well, will hear how negative you actually are behind closed doors, how you say things about others and really you are a nightmare. People will feel sorry for the narcissist that they should even know you. Friends may believe them and turn away from you. It can get nasty. And why would they say that about you when you tried to help them? For fun, that's why. Because they can and they want to psychologically destroy you. Positive people are usually quite strong and now you have realised what they are. They are takers and will take what they want. As long as you get out before the truly damaging smear campaign and don't otherwise"fall" for the narcissist, you should be able to get out of it quite quickly. Get away and don't ever look back. You may be smeared online. Just ignore it and make sure to never speak to them again. You've learned your lesson. All will be okay as soon as they find their next supply victim and stop harassing you. Once you go no contact you can breath easier again and begin to build your faith back up in humans. Keep being positive :)